


Hold Me

by TheLoneWolf_48



Category: AKB48, AKB48 & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, How Do I Tag, Mentions of Shinoda Mariko and Oshima Yuko, No Plot/Plotless, Romance, Sad with a Happy Ending, Well a little plot, Wonder if I should consider it angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28543314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLoneWolf_48/pseuds/TheLoneWolf_48
Summary: Minami isn't having a nice New Year celebration, eveything changes a moment later.
Relationships: Maeda Atsuko/Takahashi Minami
Comments: 19
Kudos: 11





	Hold Me

**Author's Note:**

> I'm three days late!! I don't care! Late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I wanted to post this either on Dec, 31th or Jan, 1st but life happens and I'm posting it now. 
> 
> This fic is a way to thank everyone who reads my fics, I know y'all read and leave no comments but that's okay, I'm glad that people still takes the time to read them. This is for everyone but I guess only AtsuMina fans would read it, either way, thank you. Y'all are amazing and I hope this New Year brings you more joy than the last.
> 
> On another note, I don't know why I always imagine Atsuko going far away and then coming back. Maybe it's the fault of the dramatics of graduating concerts... After all, it's like a farewell... It doesn't have a story beyond this, y'all can imagine what happened before or after. I just felt like writing this particular scene.

_"This is what you wanted, right?_

_At least that's what I thought_

_And now I'm running in circles_

_Trying_

_Nothing's ever enough_

_And everything is happening now_

_But I'm still having the hardest time..."_

_-Olive James, Head Above Water._

People laughing and drinking right before the clock moves forward to the New Year made her sigh. How long has it been since she saw _her_? It's a rhetorical question because it's been three years since she last saw Maeda Atsuko. Not that she's been counting.

The holidays always make her look back on the last day they were together. At Atsuko's birthday and goodbye party, the melancholy smile Atsuko shows still clear in her deluded memories. The last hug, the last encouraging words, and the last chance to say the truth, to make her stay. And it was thoughts like those that always made her feel ashamed. Atsuko had her dreams, and Minami didn't have the right to stop her.

Most of the people inside Mariko's hotel salon are mutual friends. Yet, Minami has this feeling that she doesn't belong. That she is alone and no matter the number of smiles, hugs, and good wishes she receives. Something is missing. Yuko once joked, saying what was missing was her heart. And now, in New Year, Minami thinks she might be right.

Minami walks towards the glass doors that separate the salon and the balcony. A glass of champagne in hand. On her way, people stop her asking her a few things. She talks for a few moments before she continues walking towards her destination.

It's not like she doesn't enjoy the party or the company. No. She needs a moment to herself. To remember, to convince herself that somehow she will fill the void inside her chest.

The cool breeze of Tokyo hits her face. The shiver that runs throughout her body is unstoppable. Her free hand rubs her other shoulder, trying to give herself warmth and failing a bit.

Looking down at the streets' bustle, Minami feels a sort of envy that she can't explain.

The city sounds so happy, so joyous, and so free. The Christmas lighting–blue, whites, reds, and a few yellows–mixes with the cars' harsh lights. It looks like a disco ball in the middle of the city. The people look so small, but Minami imagines the laughs and the conversations. Not so different from the ones inside the salon. And that envy bubbles again, mixing with the bubbles of her drink.

Something is missing.

Someone is missing.

Tears roll down her cheeks, a choked sound between a sob and a snort leaves her mouth. Of course, she is crying. She is missing someone. She envies the happiness in other people. Of course, she loves Maeda Atsuko. And, of course, she feels like an idiot for not being honest.

"You always had a dramatic way to spend the holidays."

Of course, she imagines her voice too. Minami cleans the tears from her face, the other hand grips the glass tighter, and she takes a shaky breath. Fear crawls from her heart to every millimeter of her body and paralyzes her in her position. She's afraid that everything is in her mind. That she went mad. She doesn't think she can deal with the disappointment of knowing that it was her imagination.

"Minami?"

The voice sounded so soft, charged with care and worry, and a hint of delight. The way her dreams sounded like. She laughs, sniffs and chokes with the air.

This is not happening. Minami is not daydreaming.

She refuses to turn around and face reality. That Atsuko isn't there, that she will never be.

The feeling of fingers on her shoulders, over the white dress shirt, sends her mind into overdrive.

On the one side, Minami's body warms up in a second. It knows the feeling. The touch is the missing puzzle in the void of emptiness she's been feeling for years now. Her body relaxes, it's instinctual, and she needs that touch, those arms around her. She needs that warmth wrapping around her body. It's her life-saving jacket, and her body wants to grip it with urgency.

On the other, her mind keeps yelling at her heart for such betrayal. It wasn't fair that her desire projected in the real world. The rational part of her mind yells and accuses the irrational part of her heart of the pain they would both feel. When whatever this mirage is over. That the pain it's going to be too much for them to deal with.

But could she blame herself?

The answer is no. Always is no.

Because this is precisely what she wanted. What she expected to happen today, what she asked God to grant her (whichever God could respond). A moment with the love of her life. A single second with Atsuko was worth a whole life of sadness and solitude. And now... Now she was there. And Minami, as cowardly as always, doesn't want to turn around.

A body pressed against her back, arms wrapped around her waist, and a jaw resting on one shoulder. Minami feels the warmth of breathing, hitting her skin, moving her short hair.

It tickles.

"Minami."

The voice echoes in her soul and makes her knees weak. It makes her free hand grips the railing to prevent sliding down to the floor of the balcony. Her mind reasons that she wouldn't fall, that Atsuko would support her. As always, Atsuko would save her.

A hand grabs the champagne glass with the rest of the bubbly liquid. Minami softens her hold and doesn't fight when the glass and the hand disappear from her sight. There are a couple seconds of silence. That the sound of crystal crashing against the floor breaks.

The expectation she's been feeling grows, and the voice throws her into a storm of dreams and desires.

"Please, look at me."

It's a whisper in her ears, the sound so low that it could be mistaken with the wind. She shakes her head, her face contorts in pain, and squeezes her eyes tighter. No, she wants to say, but the only sound her lips produce is a whine and soft cry.

"Please."

Now the voice sounds desperate, full of sadness and anxiety.

Minami's head falls down. She feels defeated. Defeated by one word. She presses her jaw against her breastbone. Her hand, now free, travels towards the arms around her waist. She feels it shaking in fear and expectation.

This is the moment of truth.

The moment she's been waiting and dreading for so long.

And when it touches warm skin, when her hand actually touches skin and bone, Minami breaks down. The hand on the railing leaves the cool steel bar and covers her mouth. Her body leans forward over the railing. The body against her back is a reminder that this is real. Minami cries against her hand.

She doesn't want everyone to notice.

Just one person notices it. The fingers of one hand intertwine with Minami's. The other hand grips the fabric of Minami's shirt around her stomach.

"Minami." The voice sounds hurt, in pain. Soft lips brush the skin near her ear. "I'm sorry."

And Minami doesn't want to hear those words. There's nothing to forgive, nothing to be sorry about. Minami can't say those words, but her body says it by shaking her head again.

"Minami," and Minami hopes, wishes, and prays that the next words are the ones she's been waiting for three years.

"I love you, Minami."

Fireworks break the cacophony of the street. Drowns the sounds of shouting and honking cars. It eats the yells of _'Happy New Year!'_ from inside the salon. But above all, it makes Minami open her eyes. The hand over her mouth falls as if it weighs nothing. Her head turns slowly, trying to feel as much as she can of Atsuko's face.

When the sound of the fourth firework travels, it hits her senses, and the red light washes them both. Lips connect to lips. Intertwined hands tighten, and the limping hand moves. Buries between long, silky locks of hair.

One of them moans, but Minami thinks it was Atsuko, and Atsuko thinks it was Minami. Both don't mind, let it slip, want to hear more.

The kiss is awkward and desperate. Bodies are in a difficult position. At some point, Minami feels a little strain of pain on the back of her neck. She ignores it because kissing Atsuko is more important than pain. A pain her heart knows very well.

Unfortunately, for both, they still need oxygen to live. Minami agrees that dying like this was a marvelous death, but her heart punches her in the gut for thinking like that. And Minami agrees that she doesn't want to die, not now that Atsuko is there, back, loving her.

The intensity of the kisses slow until they become little peeks and then slight brushes of lips. Atsuko's forehead comes to rest on Minami's temple. Minami's hand goes back to the railing and pushes her body away from the sturdy material. Pressing herself towards the body on her back.

"You're back." She wanted to reply to the previous confession, but her dumb mind seems to work again. Or is it damaged now? "You're back." This time her own voice sounds faltering and desperate too.

Minami's body turns around, finally.

The movement seems slow, but Atsuko later would argue that it was a fast turn.

Atsuko's image registers in Minami's eyes, sending millions of signals to her brain. The signals tell her eyes it is not a mirage. That the warmth is there, and the body is real. Tells her nose to breathe and feel the distinct woody scent of Atsuko's usual perfume. Tells her heart to beat, strong and alive because the missing piece is already there. She doesn't notice the tears that fall from her eyes until her vision goes blurry.

But Atsuko notices.

She notices and embraces her as usual, with her hands griping Minami's shoulders from behind. And Minami wraps her arms around Atsuko's shoulders, sighing.

If anyone noticed them, no one dared to interrupt them.

If anyone noticed the evidence of crying on both faces, no one opened their mouth to tease them.

If anyone noticed that they left the party and booked a room, none of their friends mentioned it. Not even when, a few days later, Atsuko invited everyone to Minami's apartment for dinner.

What they do notice is the love pouring from Atsuko's and Minami's eyes, actions, and words. It makes them smile. The love that has always been there, the love that nothing and no one could break.

And, in all honesty, they feel a hint of something that resembles envy.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment! Don't be a coward!


End file.
